Squeezing the balloon to find a free lunch

If they had enough bathrooms and cool air circulating, three hours delay in an airplane on the tarmac wouldn’t be so bad. But they don’t, and it’s bad. Real bad. Somebody should do something.

Somebody should also do something about those big bad banks charging overdraft fees at the checkout counter without first asking permission.

And those big bad insurance companies shouldn’t be putting profits ahead of people, as the President accused them of during his latest rant against business. They should increase their payouts and lower their rates.

Well, our government is on the case. The Department of Transportation is set to impose fines up to $27,500 per passenger for tarmac delays over three hours. Let’s see now: $27,500 times 300 passengers is approximately $8,250,000 per delayed flight. Did I get that right? My frequent flyer carrier, American Airlines, suggested that it would save a ton of money by cancelling the flight instead. Spoil sports! They should be willing to sacrifice some of the enormous profits we all know airlines are making.

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Because I believe in comparative advantage, I blog about the few things I know something about and leave other topics in more capable hands. On those other topics I feel free to use shortcuts to form my tentative opinions since I won’t be inflicting them on others. Over the years, for example, WWFT (what would Friedman think) has been a useful timesaver.

One area of absolute and comparative disadvantage for me is health-care economics. That’s okay because the National Center for Policy Analysis for whom I work has several experts on health care economics. John Goodman, the founder and president, for example, is considered by many to be the father of Health Savings Accounts. He and Jeanette Goodman recently conducted an online petition drive against a government takeover of health care that collected a record 1.3 million signatures. My only contribution to that was to sign the petition. 

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My doctor is cooler than most. He carries a blackberry and answers e-mails. Even so, I always dread my annual visits. My treadmill performance keeps slipping, my glucose keeps rising, and our alcohol conversation keeps stretching my veracity. 

Our relationship has always been strictly doctor/patient, but recently he invited me to his book club to discuss Alan Greenspan’s memoir. After a couple of drinks, we got down to business. I hadn’t fully digested the Maestro’s masterpiece, but I knew I could fill in the blanks.

I was soon waxing eloquent from the end of the dining room table with a glass of red wine supporting my memory and elocution. When my half-full glass mysteriously became half-empty, I saw a hand out of the corner of my eye whisk it away and replace it with a glass of water. I knew then that I had witnessed my first miracle. My doctor had turned wine into water.

The other day a top-notch interviewer on financial radio was paying more than his usual deference to his distinguished guest on the subject of health care. The guest summed things up with an analogy. He said the case for requiring young people who don’t want health insurance to purchase it anyway was the same as the case for requiring automobile owners to have car insurance.

I waited for the interviewer to point out that the required automobile insurance is liability insurance–in case he has an accident that hurts someone else–whereas the required health insurance would be insurance for the purchaser’s own benefit. He didn’t. Required bicycle helmets would have been a more honest analogy.

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I guess what bothers me most is being taken for a fool.

Let’s see now, breast cancer kills thirty-somethings and forty-somethings, but it kills more fifty-somethings and up. So, since we are all going to be sharing the cost of detection and treatment more than ever, why don’t you gals below fifty be good  sports about it? 

We know best, and we recommend that you not be checked. Heck, we even recommend that you not check yourself. We want to spare you the inconvenience and the potential anxiety of a false positive. It would be horrible to think you have cancer and then find out you don’t.

What about positives, you ask, and false negatives? Well, you won’t get those if you don’t get checked. Trust us. We know what’s best for you. And don’t you be sneaking into the bathroom for a self examination, you hear.

"Don't tell it like it is; tell it like it ought to be."

"Where did that crazy idea come from?"

"There's nothing in the bill like that?"

"The crazies are making this stuff up."

"It's just not true."

"It doesn't exist."

"We are going to take it out of the bill, since it confuses people."

Along with my sister, I participated in that decision for both our parents. They were both in comas and the decision was hard, but not really close. And, of course, consultation with the doctors was an ongoing natural process over time.  

No special, formal consultation was necessary and the idea of having one, charged for and reimbursed by public or private insurance, is distasteful to me. Some things just go with the territory.  “I’ll talk to you about pulling grandma’s plug if you make an appointment with my receptionist. You do have insurance for that, don’t you?”

My wife and I have living wills, and she is my designated plug puller. She accepted that responsibility readily, which I found a bit disconcerting. It doesn’t help that she’s always cleaning out the closets and giving perfectly good clothes to Goodwill. I, on the other hand, never throw anything out.

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"Give me the cash, but don't call me a clunker"

I'm not all that I used to be
Time has taken its toll on me

My rusted joints hurt like hell
My engine runs, but not very well

I've lost some efficiency
I'm not exactly carbon free

Folks don't want to share my air
But I'm not so sure that's fair

And they don't want any old fools
In their insurance pools

They will pay me to go away
To the junk heap if I'll stay

They can junk me and crush me if they must
Grind me down, back to dust

But, they are about to lose my trust

I'm beginning to suspect that the same sensitive souls
Behind "Cash for Clunkers"

Are now our principal
Health care reformers

A Grass Roots Report

When Wal-Mart recently announced support of the employer mandate portion of President Obama's Health Care proposal, a friend of my wife's, a small-business owner, expressed her anger during an extended manicure session. Not one to complain without action, she announced her intention to boycott Wal-Mart, where she had been a faithful shopper for years. She would begin her boycott as soon as she stocked up on some important staples, including washing detergent, fabric softener, and various types of canned goods. Good for her.